As plain as the nose on one’s face

When my friends and I watch award shows, it’s with a device in hand, tapping between our What’s App group chat and Twitter. Recently, after seeing a certain small-schnozed actress, I joked to another big nose friend that whenever I see small actress noses, I wonder what it’s like to live like that. To look out at the world and not see your nose take up some of the view. She and I had a giggle and the other two in the thread had no clue what we were talking about. “Really? From every angle?” Yep.

Most girls of my ethnic background get nose jobs in their teens or early 20s. How will they ever find a husband with a nose that big? I remember my uncle telling me that if I saved my money, he would pay for half of the surgery. I thought about it but then spent that money going to Acapulco for spring break and getting raped instead. How validating! If I guy wanted to take advantage of a very drunk me, that meant I was pretty, right?

I kept the nose, somewhat as a fuck you, but every few years I think about trimming it down. Especially after I read that your nose and ears continue to grow until you get old. Holy fuck, this thing is going to get bigger?! As my face slides south? That just seems cruel. Like running over baby rabbits with the lawnmower or something.

Like most big-nosed girls, I’ve learned to be funny. For a long time, that funny was self-deprecating. Make them laugh at me using my own jokes, before they could dictate the narrative. I’m middle-aged now, so my humour has matured, so I don’t do that anymore so much, but there’s a time and a place for it.

Anyway, here I am, trying to get some words down in between work and kids. Hope you come back.