Mr. Saturday Night is a poet soul. I am a sucker for a poet soul, even though I am one myself. If that sounds a bit off, it’s because I don’t believe that two poet souls can exist in harmony. Someone has to be able to pay the bills and wash the dishes and know it’s tax season. Someone has to look up from the foggy haze that making art creates when one is in flow and say, “Shit, if we want to be productive adults, we should probably go to bed.”
But Mr. Saturday Night has a job. OK he has jobs. He is maxing out the gig economy. He is taking all of his myriad talents and making a quilt of a career out of them. And that kind of passion is intoxicating. He’s found success in what he loves most, weaving history and acting and teaching into something tangible.
He has an affected way of speaking: calm, methodical, thoughtful. He’s honed his stories over and over and from only one date I know I got some good ones, but that I’ve not nearly scratched the surface. He’s in love with his neighbourhood and tries to learn everything about its history. I am a bit smitten.
I’m trying to enjoy the feeling of having a date where I could get a bit floaty, but it doesn’t sit well with me. Because WTF do I actually know about this person? I am hopeful this could be a nice thing that floats me into the summer, but I can’t bet the farm on it. And yet, I found myself doing that this week. Speaking about Mr. Saturday Night as though we’ve had more than just one date. Silly, romantic Maria. It’s not her heart that can’t be trusted, it’s her fucking mind.
I met him at a bar he knows well. He’s clearly brought a lot of dates there, I got the hunch, from the way the server knew to automatically split our bills at the end of it without him saying a word. But we spoke for three hours straight, maybe a bit more. And he was so engaging, as I think was I, that I did not notice one of my dearest male friends, Lars of the peaches, sitting next to me at the bar until I got a text from him Sunday morning. Mr. Saturday Night is sparkling.
Red flags are there, but I’m proceeding with awareness this time, rather than trying to ignore them. Will this become something long-term? Who knows? But right now I’m just looking for a summer man friend and he is certainly a strong candidate. We’ve been flirty texting throughout the week. He makes me smile. He’s certainly a match for my wit, which is nice (I detest when guys can’t volley). But I find I’m trying to learn how to play my cards, which feels absurd. He’s the one I want to see, why do I have to wait until he suggests an outing?
As I was grappling with this, an event promo came in for something that combines theatre and a museum. I should have got the tickets and just waited to ask, but fuck, I’m tired of having to play the dumb ingenue, can’t I just fucking ask a guy when I want to do something with him? So I did, I texted an invite and then I waited for what felt like an agonizingly long time. When he accepted with a lovely “I would love to accompany you to this extravaganza,” my heart clapped. So what’s the problem?
The event isn’t until the end of the month, meaning I may have overshot it. I’m free this next weekend, but how can I put that out there? Can I ask him out again, before the big event? Or do I just subtly mention that I am available and see what transpires? Do you see what is happening here?
Readers, I need comments here. Do I just lay the cards as I fucking want to? Do I just call bullshit on patriarchal dating norms and do whatever the fuck I want, regardless of outcome and consequences? Do I say, hey, I’m free this weekend and I don’t want to wait two more weeks to see you? Is that preposterous? And if you think I should come out with it, do I do that Monday? Wednesday? Thursday night? GAAAAAHHHH!
My life was so much simpler when I’d written men off for eight months. Still don’t think I’m fit to date and yet I’m having so much fun this time that I don’t want to stop exploring. That’s a good thing, right?