All the world’s waiting for you

I’m trying to channel my inner Wonder Woman today. Trying to be like Gal Gadot, innocent to the obvious and just doing what I’ve been trained to do, to slay on auto pilot. Today is a big day. Or maybe it’s not.

Part one of today that has my stomach churning and me listening to guided meditation is a BIG job interview. For a job that will likely punish me if I get it. But first I have to go in and defeat the second tier bad guys before I can fight the ultimate giant villain.

I am a woman in tech. I may as well be Vulcan. Many of my potential peers in this group (all men) lack empathetic leadership skills (not all of them, mind you). They are driven by robotic success. Breaking this up with my loud, my honest, my lay it all on the table, is appealing to me. I’m also highly intoxicated by the idea that we should embrace new platforms like AR/VR/MR to tell stories. I want to be there when we get the chance to explore this.

The team needs a mom. I know that a lot of feminist business books say not to do this, but frankly, I think some teams need this. When there is too much male energy, it’s often easy to forget to celebrate small victories. Anyway, I don’t want to go into it further, but I do need to SLAY today. I need to convince them that they need me. So that’s the first dragon.

Yesterday I went to therapy to talk through all that’s been going on, which—as always—is a lot. From the minute I emailed her a week ago to say I needed a tune-up, to sitting down on her couch yesterday, my whole world view changed. I went from being sad about my marital breakup, to being excited about everything. It’s like I was trying to turn the TV on and getting frustrated because it wouldn’t and then someone walked over and said, “Oh! You just forgot to plug it in!” Duh!

So the second dragon to slay today is my own fear and anticipation around possibly, maybe having sex with someone new for the first time in two decades. I shaved my legs, put on a sexy new dress and some lacy underpants. He might not be available to go out tonight, and I’ve been burning up with thoughts of kissing for a week. Even if there’s a 10% chance that this could happen, I gotta be prepped. But I need to keep my head cool, to remember that this is just a bit of fun.

This is where I’m at in my journey right now. Learning not to overthink. Learning to not get ahead of myself, to just enjoy the moment. Today is kind of delicious with the possibility of what could be, but I know the lesson I’m supposed to learn is to JUST BE. Easier said than done. I’m not a zen master yet, but I’m training for it.

(If you want to do your head, go read this awesome piece from Charles Duhigg’s Power of Habit on what Michael Phelps does to prep to slay. I’d love a similar one on Hilary Clinton, or Beyoncé—what do powerful women do to prepare for a big battle? Where’s my auntie Robin Wright when I need her?)

Send me your good juju please? Kthxbai